The lost art of being patient
The hyperconnective culture we live in, has taken away our ability to be patient. In a world where burning questions can be resolved in seconds via search engin we have developed a desire for instant gratification and therefor suffering the loss of patience.
In a world of instant coffee, instant replies - we have become trained to demand rapid fulfillment, immediate responses and instant results. Credit cards are the symbol for impatience, we buy something before we can even afford it. Patience and trust have become lost arts.
We have lost any tolerance for waiting and developed an inability to trust if results are not immediately visible.
Wether it comes to dating, love, romance or healing, medicine, becoming pregnant or achieving life goals, we get irritated if we don´t get a quick response to our message or seing instant success. We believe that there must be something wrong and we become extremely impatient to a point where it is completely slowing down our process and spoil the quality of our journey and therefor our whole life.
When we look at the biological roots of impatience, we can see that it includes an overcharged fight-or-flight reflex which kicks in as a survival mechanism durig stressful situations. Anxiety, depression and most of all, feelings of superiority or entitlement that manifest in thinking in a ways like we should be much more ahead in a certain process or our needs should be put first are the results.
We become extremely pushy and probably less likeable!
This impatience defenitely manifested in obstetric medicine as well, where financial pressure and short staffed hospital shifts often lead to unnecessary medical interventions in order to get a quick result - which in that case means the birth of a human being - instead of trusting the process and filling it with mindful action to achieve the goal.
We think, that if success is not immediate, we are failing.
But what exactley is patience anyways?
According to the cambridge dictionary, patience is the ability to wait, or continue doing something despite difficulties. By remaining patient, we never lose focus on our goal and we know that best results and happy endings take time. We are aware of the fact that some things need to be build slowly in order to develop strong roots.
That might be a dream we are working on, a career, learning an instrument or a language. Also unlearning habits and toxic believes take time and constant baby steps. Babies take about 9 months to grow in the womb, postpartum bodies can take years to “bounce” back. And a true love also needs time and trust to be build on solid ground so it will last through storms to come.
The secret about patience is to be active in the process
Contrary to being delusional, patience means not only talking about what you are going to do to achieve your dreams but to take action towards achieving it. Goals are dreams with a plan and action. So basically patience without action equals delusion.
Real patience means staying focused, being present in the actual moment, appreciate the small steps and wins and therefor create the momentum of forward progress with little steps each and every day.
“Patience is not sitting and waiting. It´s forseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day.
Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full. “ — Rumi
But how can we train ourselves to cultivate patience again?
The first step would be to connect with nature again. Just by looking at it, we see how every process has it´s meaning and timing. After every winter, there will be spring again. Everything is temporary. There is seasons in nature, within us and in our lives. A seed that is planted in the earth simply can´t immediately become a tree. And why would it have to?
But it does continue to grow every day. We may not be able to see the progress daily but after a week, a months there is a little plant that turns into a tree and eventually bears fruit. And deep down we know that. We simply forget about it.
Practical strategies to cultivate patience:
Set up cues:
When dealing with impatience that is connected to anxiety, we can find a simple activity like sipping water or relaxing our shoulders and connect it to the word “patience” everytime we do it. After practicing this daily for a week we will see a change in how we handle certain situations.
Visualize success
Let´s imagine that piece of music that we want to play, how it will sound in the end. Imagine ourselves playing that instrument that we are just starting to learn. Imagine ourselves finally being able to speak that language that seem so impossible right now, let´s feel the joy of being able to connect with people because of that language because we did not give up on learning. Let´s feel that joy and peace in our heart when we think about being reunited with our lover.
Meditate/pray
Meditation or prayer also takes practice but if we do it regularly, we will become more accepting, content and able to switch off parts of our brain that associate with anxiety. We also develop a sense of gratitude for what we already have.
Breath deeply
Yes, it really helps and is sometimes the only thing that helps. Especially in emergency situations. Breath in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds and then slowly breath out for 8 seconds. Repeat.
Write yourself a note
If we find ourself becoming impatient in certain sitations all over again, we can write ourself a note. Let´s take a piece of paper and a pen and write “Am I acting as the person I want to be?” and stick it by our phone everytime we wait for a message or when we need to deal with people that make us wanna lose our patience on them.
Cultivate little rituals
Instead of rushing to work with yet another coffee to go let´s take our time in the morning for making ourselves a beautiful cappuccino, smell and feel the coffee beans, listen to that satisfying sound when the espresso is envolving and always close our eyes in appreciation for the very first sip. Or when making our morning matcha, let´ s zone out for a few seconds while whisking the mesmerizing green powder being grateful for the calm clarity it is about to bring to our brain.
In the end, patience means accepting our current circumstances for a moment KNOWING we do everything in our power to change it step by step. It is a mixture of persistence, acceptance and calmness. And simply noticing our environment and how certain moments and situations make us feel. Patience - used in the right moment - makes us better listeners, being able to handle delays with a smile, it helps us enjoy the actual moment rather than always living in the future and therefor missing out on our actual life.
Patience makes us happier, more content and healthier. We become more likeable in general.
And we become better lovers because we know, in the end love conquers all.
And that Mamãe, is the beauty of it.
Love
Linda